She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
