Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
