dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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