i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
