Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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