if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
