I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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