Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
