The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
