I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
