so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
