all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
