Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
