It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
