"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
