someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
