she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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