This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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