we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
