I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
