could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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