Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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