She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
