im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
