I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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