I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
People in love make me want to vomit
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
