Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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