i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
