Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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