I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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