I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize