i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
