Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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