How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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