She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
