Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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