Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
