If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
