I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
