her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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