You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
