I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
