no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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