Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
