It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
