What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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