you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
