Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
