I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
