You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
