yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
