If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
