On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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