glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
