the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My liver just had a heart attack.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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