i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
