Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
