I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
