I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
