Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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