so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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