just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how does that bad decision feel?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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