none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
