now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
