One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
