He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
