dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
