Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
