the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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