does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
